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But as the high-stress years of challenging parenting dragged on, I became really good at handling crises.Unfortunately, I also developed some behaviors and symptoms that represented the pain I was carrying.While I was doing what I thought “good moms” do, I was violating both my boundaries and my child’s boundaries. In fact, the more I sought to change, help or fix them, the more I lost of myself.Many wonderful mothers may run into trouble when they have sought to be good moms and have defined themselves by being a mom.They say, “A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.” A good boundary established in a relationship makes clear what I am responsible for, and what the other person is responsible for.

In my efforts to “fix” my adult child, I was making myself sick. In addition to working on boundaries, that intensive therapy helped me to remember that I was not defined by the choices of my children or my spouse.I spent those three weeks learning concepts that were new to me. Henry Cloud and John Townsend are authors who have done a series of books on boundaries.In sum, a boundary helps me to define what is me, and what is not me.When we focus solely on our identity as a mom, and being a mom turns out to be challenging or we are outright rejected by our child, we are bereft because we have not developed all those wonderful aspects of ourselves and our lives.My three weeks of intensive therapy did me a lot of good, no doubt.

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